For your edification, I would like to present you with another partial list of things that have been deemed racist and/or white supremacist (the two terms are often interchangeable) in the last few years. The list is growing daily, so this column can only be incomplete.
This list is only presented as a public service, so it’s up to you – as a proper woke American – to avoid all the things, terms, people, subjects, foods, books, pets, diseases, locations, beverages, fashions and activities that might offend someone because of your white supremacy and privilege (even if you’re not white). So without further ado, and in no particular order:
1. Crime-surge fears are racist.
2. The Fourth of July is (of course) racist.
3. Fireworks are racist.
4. Sexually transmitted diseases are racist.
5. Arresting someone for torturing cats is racist.
6. Putting an American flag on your vehicle is racist.
7. The Declaration of Independence is racist.
8. Criminalization of marijuana is racist.
9. The Oregon Trail is racist.
10. Eating French food is racist.
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11. The fossil fuel industry is racist.
12. Summer heat is racist.
13. Strawberries are racist.
14. Space is racist.
15. Band-Aids are racist.
16. Tanned skin is racist.
17. Reporting rape is racist.
18. Medicine is racist.
19. Denying that medicine is racist is racist.
20. Apple pie is racist.
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21. The term “Asian giant hornet” is racist.
22. Categorizing ancient human remains as either “male” or “female” is racist.
23. Ballet is racist.
24. Dog names are racist.
25. GPAs (grade point averages) are racist.
26. White people who have a good relationship with their family are racist.
27. NOT funding abortion is racist.
28. Chess is racist.
29. “Urgency” is racist (well, technically “a white supremacy value”).
30. Economic recessions are racist.
31. Eye-rolling is racist.
32. Enjoying outdoor recreational activities is racist.
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33. The term “brown out” to describe unstaffed firefighter units is racist.
34. Asking voters to renew registration is racist.
25. The Second Amendment is racist (since it’s meant to preserve white supremacy).
26. Fears of gun control are racist.
27. Homeschooling is racist.
28. Camping is racist.
29. Property is racist.
30. The word “obesity” is racist.
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31. Capitalization (of letters) is racist.
32. Diversity of thought is racist.
33. White fans who enjoy the NBA (National Basketball Association) are racist.
34. Remote schooling is racist.
35. National Park System names are racist.
36. Alcohol consumption is caused by racism.
37. The Founding Fathers (of course) were “racist, misogynist jerkfaces.”
38. Free speech is racist.
39. Whiteboards are racist.
40. Masculinity is racist.
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41. Covering the Ukraine war is racist.
42. The term “marijuana” is racist.
43. The Southern Poverty Law Center is racist. (This one I believe.)
44. The Constitution (of course) is racist.
45. Concern for Ukrainian refugees is racist.
46. Tipping in restaurants is racist.
47. Physical fitness is racist.
48. Implying Asians are intelligent is racist.
49. Physics is racist.
50. Kamala Harris’ political gaffes are due to racism (and misogyny).
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51. College admissions standards are racist.
52. Being “colorblind” is racist.
53. Cameras are racist.
54. Freedom is racist.
55. Meat is racist.
56. The field of nuclear science is racist.
57. Determining kidney health is racist.
58. Getting rid of a school board that hid sexual assault is racist.
59. Traffic violations are racist.
60. Eloquence is racist.
61. Unvaccinated people are racist.
62. Mount Everest is racist.
63. House fires are racist.
64. The Beatles are racist.
65. “Jingle Bells” is racist.
66. Outdoor activities (hiking, biking, fishing, running) are racist.
67. Agriculture and farmers’ markets are racist.
68. Crime software is racist.
69. Being pro-life is racist.
70. Thanksgiving is racist.
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71. The word “looting” is racist.
72. Self-defense is racist.
73. Truck drivers are racist.
74. “Education” is code for white racism.
75. “Parental rights” is also code for racism.
76. Roads are racist.
77. Modern baby-carriers (slings, backpacks, etc.) are racist.
78. Golf is racist.
79. The word “spooky” is racist.
80. Asking children to behave and follow directions is racist.
81. Sept. 11 was racist.
82. A British accent is racist.
83. Belief in creationism is racist.
84. Sculpting plaster is racist.
85. Disliking curry is racist.
86. The Welsh language is racist.
87. Larry Elder is racist (actually, a white supremacist).
88. Marriage is racist.
89. Objecting to lowering the voting age to 16 is racist.
90. Rocks are racist.
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91. Gypsy moths are racist.
92. Suburbs are racist.
93. Comedy is racist.
94. Nature is racist.
95. Visiting Hawaii is racist.
96. Infants are racist – but only white infants.
97. Sugar is racist.
98. Crossword puzzles are racist.
99. Denying you’re a racist is racist.
I know this is a weary cliché, but it can hardly be improved: If everything is racist, nothing is racist. That should be abundantly clear by now. If you think punctuation or solar eclipses or the Appalachian Trail are racist, then you’re just being stupid.
But hey, we knew that anyway, didn’t we?
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